PUBLIC RESPONSES TO PRIVATE MESSAGES: #2 - BIG ‘OL DONGS
If a guy likes my photos, but we have LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE IN COMMON, he will send me an email that is related to my height requirement, which is a minimum stature of 6’. 
That being said, I get two types of these e-mails:
#1 I meet your height requirement
#2 Fuck your height requirement
This is an example of #1, with some bonus information… the 1950’s construction worker sexual harassment slang/greaser pick-up line “hung like a mule”.
It’s an interesting choice of words for a person I assume is living in the today’s, so I’d like to explore what he’s expressing by using it. 
Let’s assume he’s not so crass as to just write “I’ll split you in half with my huge cock”, so, he thought he’d be funny and write “hung like a mule” instead. While I appreciate the small amount of restraint and sprinkling of respect, the message is the same…I HAVE A BIG DICK. Talking about your massive dong might be a funny thing to talk about with your friends or maybe a girl you’ve been on a couple of dates with who “gets how you like to joke around”, but I’m a mother fucking stranger, which means I don’t know you. And you don’t know me. Which means you also don’t know that I don’t like big dicks. 
Believe it. I’ve been with enough guys to fill a yoga class, so I know what I’m talking about when I write in all caps “BIG DICKS ARE SCARY”. 
Guys who brag about having gargantuan cocks usually don’t understand the term “too deep”, which a phrase women use when it feels like a dick is about to burst through her uterus, maybe her spine. And because of their inflated ego, well-hung guys don’t care about how having a monster’s penis makes it harder for women to have an orgasm. They don’t understand that because their cock doesn’t fit in anything smaller than the Alaska Pipeline, there’s no body friction, and they need to use their fingers so that the women they’re having sex with can have a fun time too. If a guy brags about having an enormous schlong, and you decide to have sex with him, you can bet on a three-part sexual experience - you and him fucking, him falling asleep as you tell him you didn’t come, you masturbating on the floor of his bathroom.  
But, hey, maybe I’m wrong about the whole message he’s trying to send. Let’s assume he was being literal. He’s just your average, tall, nice guy who embarrassingly has an   actual mule penis…due to some unfortunate science experiment or genetic mishap. I’m sure it’s a tough thing to bring up with ladies and while I appreciate his honestly,  I’m sorry, I still can’t handle a mule’s dick, which looks like this (NSFW).
All around, until you’ve met someone face-to-face, I’d wait a few dates before bringing up your xxl boner. 

PUBLIC RESPONSES TO PRIVATE MESSAGES: #2 - BIG ‘OL DONGS

If a guy likes my photos, but we have LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE IN COMMON, he will send me an email that is related to my height requirement, which is a minimum stature of 6’. 

That being said, I get two types of these e-mails:

#1 I meet your height requirement

#2 Fuck your height requirement

This is an example of #1, with some bonus information… the 1950’s construction worker sexual harassment slang/greaser pick-up line “hung like a mule”.

It’s an interesting choice of words for a person I assume is living in the today’s, so I’d like to explore what he’s expressing by using it. 

Let’s assume he’s not so crass as to just write “I’ll split you in half with my huge cock”, so, he thought he’d be funny and write “hung like a mule” instead. While I appreciate the small amount of restraint and sprinkling of respect, the message is the same…I HAVE A BIG DICK. Talking about your massive dong might be a funny thing to talk about with your friends or maybe a girl you’ve been on a couple of dates with who “gets how you like to joke around”, but I’m a mother fucking stranger, which means I don’t know you. And you don’t know me. Which means you also don’t know that I don’t like big dicks. 

Believe it. I’ve been with enough guys to fill a yoga class, so I know what I’m talking about when I write in all caps “BIG DICKS ARE SCARY”. 

Guys who brag about having gargantuan cocks usually don’t understand the term “too deep”, which a phrase women use when it feels like a dick is about to burst through her uterus, maybe her spine. And because of their inflated ego, well-hung guys don’t care about how having a monster’s penis makes it harder for women to have an orgasm. They don’t understand that because their cock doesn’t fit in anything smaller than the Alaska Pipeline, there’s no body friction, and they need to use their fingers so that the women they’re having sex with can have a fun time too. If a guy brags about having an enormous schlong, and you decide to have sex with him, you can bet on a three-part sexual experience - you and him fucking, him falling asleep as you tell him you didn’t come, you masturbating on the floor of his bathroom.  

But, hey, maybe I’m wrong about the whole message he’s trying to send. Let’s assume he was being literal. He’s just your average, tall, nice guy who embarrassingly has an   actual mule penis…due to some unfortunate science experiment or genetic mishap. I’m sure it’s a tough thing to bring up with ladies and while I appreciate his honestly,  I’m sorry, I still can’t handle a mule’s dick, which looks like this (NSFW).

All around, until you’ve met someone face-to-face, I’d wait a few dates before bringing up your xxl boner. 

Notes

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Gel nails, frank sexual discussions, L.A. Noire, reproductive rights, tacos, AG jeans, hugs, deadpan, Armani luminous silk, LGBT equality, sarcasm, Downtown Abbey, fair and balanced government, & side eye.

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